I’ve long come to understand that I’m not a roll with the punches kind of person. I don’t naturally take things in stride. My inclination is to think about all potential consequences of a given situation, worry until I make myself sick, and then come to an appropriate solution.
When change comes, I usually fight to exhaustion to keep things the same. I judge situations too quickly and I have some very specific opinions on how things in my life should look. I guess, in essence, I am a control freak.
Transitions have just never come easy to me. I’m more than able to react to and do whatever is necessary to make things right. I’m even quite capable of looking at past “bad experiences” and seeing the great opportunities that came because of those challenging circumstances.
Still, at times, I brood. I wonder if I could have made the transition much more smoothly or came to a quicker and easier acceptance. I wish that I could just brush off the anxiety, confusion, and resistance to just accept these things with open arms. To be that person who is able to roll with the punches.
For me, when it is all said and done, my first inclination for any situation is to fight. I instinctively want to make things “right” and to stay the course. Yet, time always seems to take to clarity where I see that what is before me is a gift.
Perhaps that is why I rely on whole health. I fight but I eventually get to where I’m supposed to be. In retrospect, I see these patterns. Logically, I know that fighting isn’t getting me anywhere. I’m just wasting my time and energy.
Over the years, working with whole health techniques, I’ve come to open just a bit to the possibilities. When something new comes into my life, for a split second I believe there is an opportunity in this challenge. I feel that in my very soul.
For me that’s huge. I’ve found a way to listen to my intuition, that part of me that is my genuine self even in the midst of chaos. I am able to open to what is without judgment or fear, if only for a moment. Moreover, that split second of openness allows me to logically determine where my energies would be best spent. Indeed, if this is a wait it out situation, if I need to gather more facts, or if I need to react immediately.
Of course, five minutes later, I begin to doubt myself. Someone makes a rude or thoughtless remark. I’m tired, in pain, or start feeling overwhelmed by other tasks. Then, I’m back worrying and seeing the worst possible scenarios.
Armed with this knowledge of my normal (unhealthy) reactions and a few whole health techniques, I find I am able to tame this fear. Perhaps, in the worst of cases, I am not always able to stay fully open, but I can keep that soul feeling.
The thing I’ve noticed about that soul feeling is that even just touching it is enough to keep me on track. It’s hard to argue with that feeling because it is based in unconditional love and the wisdom that fears are not facts. So when the self-doubt arises, I try to take the opportunity to check to see if my original plan needs tweaking or if I’m just hungry, tried, or overwhelmed. Then, I remind myself that this too will pass and when the dust settles I’m going to be a better person for it.