The very first skill to practice in order to move gracefully through transition is non-judgement, particularly self-non-judgement. Now, before I start, it’s very important to understand that this does not mean to throw morality out the door. Victimizing others is NOT okay. It’s never going to be in anyone’s higher nature to do such things.
Yes, there is purpose in experiencing dark and difficult times. As they say, light is best seen (most apparent) in darkness. With this said, I think that life provides more than its fair share of challenges that can be used to help us “see” and move towards the best version of ourselves. There really is no need for victimizing and victimization.
Back to non-judgement. Non-judgement is not judging yourself negatively for having gone through a particular experience. It’s also not beating yourself up when you find yourself stuck somewhere that you don’t want to be. Essentially, it’s the ability to see that you are more than your challenges and lowest moments.
Perfectionism and Self-Judgements
Yes, it’s easier said than done. More than ever before, our modern global society seems to value and expect some sort of unrealistic version of perfection. This leaves us all feeling broken, flawed, and utterly lacking when our life doesn’t resemble the fantasy.
Often it seems that the only alternative is to put on a fake face, self-medicate our suffering, and beat ourselves up for not being enough (or too much as the case may be). Obviously not healthy but what we don’t realize is that in buying into this ridiculous notion, we devalue resilience and in doing so distance ourselves from those individuals who would be our greatest allies and best supports. The very things that have allowed the human race to survive.
Then, there’s the time and energy wasted. Valuable resources that could have been better used for self-reflection, gaining new skills, and otherwise preparing for the next new. The future new normal.